Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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