Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think a kid would responsible me up
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
