I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize