I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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