Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
