You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
