It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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