She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We had to coat check the pizza.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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