took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
