Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
