I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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