Do you still have your period?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
