he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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