Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
