Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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