its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
