Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
