its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
