You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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