I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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