walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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