There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize