I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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