he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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