my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
