Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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