discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
