he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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