How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
