Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
