She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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