There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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