Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
