i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
