Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
