I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
