It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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