just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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