he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize