when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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