you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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