Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I have fence marks all over my body
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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