My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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