After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
