Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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