How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Terrible idea I love it
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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