God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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