God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize