You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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