Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
