Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
