but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
