I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
