Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize