conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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