I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
