u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
