seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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