am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
