Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
