There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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