I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
