yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
