She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize