listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
