feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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