standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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