dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
