Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
how drunk are you?
Several
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
