last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
