i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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