He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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