The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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