Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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