marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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