apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
