My liver just broke up with me...
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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