I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
