So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
