She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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