I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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