I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
