I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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