one might say we're banned from that church
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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