If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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