thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
