Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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