Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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