He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
