Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
