could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i think i have two assholes
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
