Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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