I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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