Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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